First record you ever bought?
I didn't buy it, Phil [Bam’s father] did. It was Metallica Master of Puppets for $8 at Kmart. I had to cry til I got it.

Last extravagant purchase you ever made?
Giving away millions of dollars / meeting nine assholes who ripped me off for well over seven figures.

First film you ever saw that really moved you?
INK.

Last lie you told?
About the purchases I made – it was actually 12 people for eight figures, plus tax, in Delaware.

First movie you ever went on a date to?
Titanic – by myself – in Paris. My wallet got stolen, so I snuck in and watched it twice. I was 16, and it was in French.

Last time you cried?
When [CKY Crew member Brandon] Novak lied when he was telling the truth about lying again.

First thing you do when you've got time off work?
Not show up again.

Last great meal you cooked?
Roadkill Vomelet that Novak had to eat.

First crush?
Eddie Vedder or Tracy Ledonne.

Last book you read?
Kill Your Friends by John Niven; Dreamseller by me, Novak.

First great piece of advice you were given?
Stay the fuck out of my way.

Last time you were star struck?
When some Australian UFC fighter knocked me out for spitting on him.

First thing you'd do if you ran the country?
Bend the rules to make new ones that work this time, for once.

Last meal on earth?
Nikki[wife Nicole Boyd]’s pussy.

First song you'll sing at karaoke?
The Beatsteaks – ‘I Don't Care as Long as You Sing’, but I'm not gonna sing.

Last time you exploited your position to get something?
The truth. Leon Hill.

First time you realised you were famous?
When I was 15, Brian Chamberlain told me I was the best of my cul-de-sac at skateboarding.

Last time someone criticised your work?
On the interweb – some big, fat little pussy named Brian from Duluth Minnesota. He said, ‘Bam sucks on the internet’.

First three words friends would use to describe you?
Peter Pan with credit card. Nothing can become everything – and repeat!

First concert?
Poison and David Lee Roth in Philadelphia – I thought it was neat. I was eight, and we were in the nosebleed section, so I couldn't see shit, but it sounded good.

Last time you bought someone flowers?
Myself, every fucking day. They're all in the back yard and on my credit card, but I don't know where they all come from.

Last funny thing you saw online?
Scott Weiland falling off stage, but he was still singing perfectly fine.

First job?
Picking up Novak from prison – I told him I'd be there and I was.

Last person you fantasised about?
That one hot bitch from that new show on TV.

First word?
Here we go again, Skate and Destroy.

Last crime you committed?
Accidentally destroying my Icelandic rental car on purpose.

First song at your (potential) wedding?
Shiny Toy Guns, ‘Frozen Oceans’ in Iceland.

Last song at your funeral?
‘Earth Rocker’ by Clutch.

First person you'd thank in an acceptance speech?
Everyone, even the pieces of shit who suck, I've learned from you.

Last thing you recommended to someone?
Vitacigs – they're ecigs with vitamins.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
Detox, water, cigarette, think, fuck Nikki, think about how I might go skating, then I will go edit.

Last thing you think of before you go to sleep?
‘Why the fuck can't I go to fucking sleep?’ Then I will get up to go edit more.

Bam’s touring show, Fuckface Unstoppable, stops at the O2 ABC, Glasgow, Mon 7 Jul.