This musical adaptation of Brad Fraser’s play feels like someone’s titillating soft-core fantasy, in which two troubled boyband-pretty teens with hard bodies and perky nipples come very close to kissing but can only cope with bashfully simulating blow-jobs. Unintentionally funny, with unmemorable songs, prosaic lyrics, bum notes and a lumbering cameo from Lee from Steps, the coyness about the boys’ sexuality is infuriating, while the subtext – that gays are paedos or murderers – is offensive.

George Square Theatre, 651 1292, until 31 Aug, 5pm, £8.50–£10.50 (£7.50–£9).