The star of Fargo, Lego Movie 2 and Parks and Recreation takes on our Q&A in which he discusses babysitters, Bob Newhart, beer and belt sanders

First record you ever bought
The Monkees Greatest Hits ordered off the TV with chore money.

Last extravagant purchase you made
A 1993 SCMI MiniMax dimensional belt sander for Offerman Woodshop, 25" width. After the fixes it needed, the 'bargain' became twice as extravagant.

First film you saw that really moved you
The Rescuers in 1977. I was seven years old and it was a big deal to drive over to the movie theatre in Morris, IL. I was swept away by the story, Bob Newhart, Eva Gabor, and the plucky mosquito / outboard motor Evinrude.

Last lie you told
I'm not that tired.

First movie you ever went on a date to
The Princess Bride.

Last time you cried
Wrapping six months of work on new FX series Devs with Alex Garland. The project and people were so exquisite that I cried at having to leave.

First thing you do when you've got time off work
Head towards my wife.

Last great meal you cooked
Dinner for ten. Burgers from scratch and king salmon on the grill, corn … my way, wilted kale / almond / blueberry salad, Kettle Chips, and for dessert, key lime pie.

First crush
Kelly Ward, my babysitter.

Last book you read
How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan.

First great piece of advice you were given
Work hard and tell the truth: my mom and dad.

Last time you were starstruck
Talking to Randy Newman backstage at The Greek Theatre in Los Angeles. Or, in another sense, this morning when Megan Mullally slapped me for stealing her bacon.

First thing you'd do if you ran the country
Reinstate shop class.

Last meal on earth
A moderate ball of opium.

First song you'll sing at karaoke
Hanson's 'MMMBop'.

Last time you exploited your position to get something
I don't like to do this. I suppose I'll mention my name and / or Megan's when trying to get a table at a hot restaurant, but it generally feels gross otherwise.

First time you realised you were famous
Hmmm. When people began to yell 'Ron!' at me from a block away when they spotted my moustache.

Last time someone criticised your work
I ask Megan for constructive criticism most every day, and she is generous and fair in her delivery. I am certainly much better than I would be without her tips. Beyond her, I do get criticism of my books and comedy shows from narrow-minded people, usually offended on behalf of some right-wing ideology or other.

First three words your friends would use to describe you
Gassy. Garrulous. Gorgeous.

Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it
1984. Midriff t-shirt.

First concert you ever attended
George Michael, 1985. In my midriff tee.

Last time you bought someone flowers
For my wife a couple of months ago when she visited me in Manchester.

First object you'd save from your burning home
Dogs and Megan. Beyond that, who cares.

Last funny thing you saw online
Rob Delaney post or Matt Davies cartoon.

First job
Shovelling pig muck in Grandpa Mike's pig barn for a quarter.

Last person you fantasised about
Was just dreaming of negotiating a scene between Sandra Oh, Jodie Comer and myself on Killing Eve season three.

First word you spoke
Beer.

Last song at your funeral
'Come On Up to the House' by Tom Waits.

First book you read for a second time
The Hobbit.

Last crime you committed
The roiling cloud of stink to which I subjected my wife last night must certainly have violated some local statutes.

Nick Offerman: All Rise, Assembly Hall, Edinburgh, Sat 24 Aug; O2 Academy, Glasgow, Wed 28 Aug (two shows).