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The subject of today’s Q&A is Chloe Petts

What’s the best bit of advice you’ve been ever been given from a seasoned comic?

Olga Koch is one of my best mates and has talked me down from many a panic about my show this year. My favourite thing she said is that most people who are coming to your show or watching you record something or reading something you’ve written are usually on your side and rooting for you. Everyone wants you to do well; I think that’s great because it reminds me to go onstage with the attitude that the audience are my friends/allies, not someone I need to be scared of. And worse comes to worse, if someone does arrive feeling a little hostile, I can always call them a wanker.

And what has proved to be the least useful?

The funniest piece of advice I ever received was from someone in the comedy industry, just after I’d come runner-up in the final of a few competitions and was trying to get an agent. This person asked me if I knew who I wanted to sign with and I said I was taking my time with my decision and she said, with a deadly serious face, ‘just make sure you don’t sign with someone who already has a great, big lesbian on their books’. Shortly after, I signed with Avalon but only after I fought and defeated their other great, big lesbian.

Is there one thing that keeps cropping up when people talk to you about Edinburgh in August?

Everyone is wondering whether audiences will attend as readily as they did before the pandemic, although all the signs are looking good. Apparently though, a large make-up of Fringe audiences are locals so hopefully they’ll be out in full force and everyone will be so gagging to get back into the Fringe spirit, it will be so overrun we’ll find it actively annoying.

I’ve chatted with a couple of other acts about it maybe being quite overstimulating; we haven’t been around that many of our friends and colleagues for an extended period of time for over two years so maybe we’ll be a bit socially anxious or get exhausted more easily. I think all of us will be very understanding of this and make space for each other or maybe I’ll create a Gossip Girl-style publication to out anyone who’s not on their top form at 3am in Brooke’s Bar. Everyone’s also always banging on about food: Palmyra’s, Mother India’s Cafe and Mosque Kitchen. If you need me at any point, try me in one of those locations.

What’s your favourite word that begins in ‘e’?

Well my girlfriend’s name begins with E so I should probably say that. But this sort of sentimentality would probably make her physically sick, so I’ll go with my first and greater love, the Eagles, nickname of my football team, Crystal Palace. There’s nothing I love more than chanting ‘Eagles’ over and over with my fellow Palace fans as we whip ourselves into a meditative reverie, as we urge the boys to score a goal. 

If I can eat one vegetable across the month, I’d say we’re onto a winner

Is there one act you absolutely HAVE to see in August? 

Well, I’m legally obliged to go and see Ania Magliano because I would be breaking best-friend code if I parred her off, but fortunately that’s no chore as she’s an extraordinary comic (and only like three years old. Being that talented at her age should result in societal ostracisation in my opinion). She’s an incredibly likeable performer and a great gag writer, with a wonderful turn of phrase. The show will be a mixture of silly/stupid and smart/extended ballet routine (probably). 

Should probably give a shoutout to a straight, white man here as they need all the support they can get: Sean McLoughlin, for me, is the best in the business. He has this perfect blend of having wonderfully formulated shows filled with such smart observations but is completely responsive to what’s going on in the room at all times which often results in him having the funniest breakdown you’ll ever see. I’ve deliberately kept away from knowing loads about Sean’s show this year so I get maximum impact when I see it for the first time (then will probably return several more times). 

Picture yourself in early September: what would constitute a successful Fringe for you?

If I haven’t given myself adult acne from a series of late-night Palmyras, then I think we can all breathe a sigh of collective relief. Professionally, I find it quite difficult to forecast into the future because there are so many variables that are beyond your control when it comes to career progression. So, a Fringe where I’ve worked hard, done a show every day that I’ve had a great time writing and performing and that I’m proud of and also had loads of fun with my friends and colleagues would be my dream. 

What percentage of your early stand-up performances is likely to appear in your Fringe debut?

I couldn’t put a number on it, but if pushed I would say precisely 29.3%. No, in all seriousness, it’s a difficult question to answer. I’ve brought back one of my early routines because I really enjoy doing it; it always gets a good response and fits in with the themes of the show. Having said that, I’ve made tweaks to it and hopefully it’s now better given I’m an improved comedian. I think even old routines are in a constant state of evolution as you progress, but I’d say 70% of Transience is built for the show and the other 30% was stuff I’d developed over the course of a few years. Nothing gets in from my first two years of comedy because I would say my style back then was ‘cringe’ and ’painful’. 

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Which other new comedian do you feel a special kinship with? And do you reckon it’s reciprocated?

Well, as I mentioned earlier, Ania Magliano is my best mate and I know that it’s reciprocated because she won’t stop texting me (please stop, Ania, it’s my thumbs: they ache). It’s really wonderful to have someone that is going through exactly what you’re going through and I value and appreciate how supportive she is and always willing to listen to my sporadic crises. We also laugh constantly which is a bonus.

Another best mate of mine, Sam Lake, is also debuting this year and we also have a special bond. We started stand-up at exactly the same time as part of the Soho Theatre’s Young Company so, again, we have a real sense of what it’s like for the other in terms of managing the emotions of making your Edinburgh Fringe debut. We have reasonably similar temperaments and also love laughing at memes. I’m staying with him and his husband for the duration of the Fringe so I’m looking forward to being their massive, adopted, lesbian child for the month.

Which side of your family do you get your funny bones from?

I’m more than willing to sit firmly on the fence with this one: my mum and dad are equally funny in their own special ways. Dad is much more socially quiet but will pop up with excellent quips constantly and tells a great anecdote. My mother is much more gregarious; my friends say she’s like Alison Steadman in Gavin & Stacey and I don’t think they’re far off. She’s the sort that’s both the first up and last off the dancefloor at a wedding and also has a penchant for a well-timed burp, which is the greatest comedy education I could have received. I think my funny bones come from finding them both hilarious (as well as my brother who I speak about in the show) so wanting to impress them and make them laugh too.

What will you do to keep fit and healthy (relatively speaking) during August?

Me and Catherine Bohart have signed up to a half marathon the other side of the Fringe so we simply have to do some training or we’ll have a very painful day in October ahead of us. Catherine gets monthly obsessions so I’m going to try and make sure her enthusiasm for running reignites during August and frogmarch her around The Meadows constantly. 

Me and daddy (Sam Lake) will probably go get gains at the gym, as long as he’s happy to accommodate me into his muscle-building journey. I’ll probably also do swimming as I find that very therapeutic and I also find the righteous anger I feel when people don’t respect the etiquette of the swimming pool quite satisfying.

If I can also eat at least one vegetable across the course of the month, I’d say we’re onto a winner.

Which word of six letters or more will crop up the most in your Edinburgh show?

Probably ‘toilet’. I think the location of the loo really reflects the brand of comedy I’m going for. It’s a place where loads of cultural conversation is focused at the moment; many transphobes are policing who gets to use which gendered space they feel most comfortable in, so toilets are getting a lot of heat. But equally, it’s the place where you go to do poos, farts and wees which are always funny so, for me, toilets are a blend of the highbrow and lowbrow. Much like my show, I hope.

Chloe Petts: Transience, Pleasance Courtyard, 3–28 August, 6pm.