Who would you like to see playing you in the movie about your life? Who do you think the casting people would choose? Mark Ruffalo. Peter Kay.

What’s the punchline to your favourite joke? ‘Defence Secretary Grant Shapps.’

If you were to return in a future life as an animal, what would it be? The drummer from The Muppets.

If you were playing in an escape room, name two other people (well-known or otherwise) you’d recruit to help you get out? I’d only need our Orms (my uncle). He is by some distance the most practical man on the planet.

When was the last time you were mistaken for someone else and what were the circumstances? Apart from the almost weekly shouts of ‘oi! Ryan Gosling!’, I actually did get mistaken once for Iron Maiden singer Bruce Dickinson at a BBC reception. 

What’s the best cover version ever? Our old band Mosque used to do a superb version of the Rainbow kids-TV theme tune segued into ‘No More Heroes’ by The Stranglers. 

Whose speaking voice soothes your ears? If I am feeling really sad or stressed, I simply go on YouTube and listen to a compilation of Richard Briers’ TV-ad voiceovers from the 70s and 80s.

Tell us something you wish you had discovered sooner in life? I have ADHD!

Describe your perfect Saturday evening? If I can’t be out on a bi-annual romantic meal with my wife, I would say: kids in bed, strong stout, music doc, strumming a guitar. 

If you were a ghost, who would you haunt? Probably Richard Dawkins for a laugh.

If you could relive any day of your life, which one would it be? Any of the Christmas Days I’ve spent with all my family and kids.

What’s your earliest recollection of winning something? I won a Smarties Easter Egg for best fancy dress at St Gabriel’s Primary School dressed as Dracula.

Did you have a nickname at school that you were ok with? And can you tell us a nickname you hated? Joe Hankinson used to call me ‘Keato’. He did it with love though. He was also fucking terrifying so I wouldn’t have remonstrated with him either way.

If you were to start a tribute act to a band or singer, who would it be in tribute to and what would it be called? O-Nob, a tribute to the music of Bono (don’t get me wrong, I love the guy).

When were you most recently astonished by something? The price of a supermarket lasagne.

What’s the most hi-tech item in your home? Electronic drum kit.

What tune do you find it impossible not to get up and dance to, whether in public or private? ‘Freedom’ by Wham!

Which famous person would be your ideal holiday companion? Joe Lycett.

As an adult, what has a child said to you that made a powerful impact? My older sons bought me a lovely ceramic coffee cup with the word ‘wanker’ artfully embossed on it.

Tell us one thing about yourself that would surprise people? I am not dead or in jail.

When did you last cry? I am a big crier. Last time was yesterday at an episode of The Bear. Even thinking about the episode of The Royle Family when Denise is about to have the baby and talking to Jim in the bathroom . . . I totally lose it.

What’s a skill you’d love to learn but have never got round to? Dry stone walling.

By decree of your local council, you’ve been ordered to destroy one room in your house and all of its contents. Which room do you choose? Downstairs bathroom is a literal shithole.

If you were selected as the next 007, where would you pick as your first luxury destination for espionage? Batley.

Shaun Keaveny’s Daily Grind podcast airs on Radio X.