The nightmarish night sweeps you from your bed and hurtles you a thousand miles through space and time. As the hellish inertia ceases and you open your eyes, you find yourself on what appears to be an island shrouded in black. An endless sea of bubbling tar surrounds you, its malfeasant odour polluting the very core of your being. 

What is this place? Why are you here? What demonic phantasmagoria have you been banished to? 

Before you can answer any of these questions, a giant tentacle emerges from the sea and looms over you like a god. ‘Come hither’, it howls, although it doesn’t appear to have a mouth. ‘I hold the knowledge of the best tickets on sale this week in my tar-filled maw. These events will sell out almost as soon as they go on sale, so act quickly. Follow me into this depraved ocean.’

Without question, you walk from the island and into the blackened tar. As it burns your skin like a branding iron, you think, ‘Yes, now I can receive the best ticketing information on the internet.’ You dream of Kendrick Lamar's presale as you take your final breath.

Welcome to our weekly round-up of the best tickets on sale this week. 

Kendrick Lamar

The best rapper on the planet has announced a handful of UK arena dates as part of his The Big Steppers world tour. The tour comes in support of Lamar’s fifth studio album Mr Morale & The Big Steppers, which has been on repeat in our office since it dropped last Friday. Can he translate his complex, emotionally wrought magnum opus to an arena stage? There’s only one way to find out. 

Tickets for Kendrick Lamar’s 2022 UK tour dates go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May. 

Caroline Polachek

She’s so hot she’s hurting our feelings and she’s hitting the UK this October. Caroline Polachek is the most fun you can have while listening to art pop, mixing strange imagery, a dry sense of humour and the catchiest hooks this side of Charli XCX. Alas, her only dates are in England, but this is a cult popstar worth travelling for. 

Tickets for Caroline Polachek’s UK tour dates go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May. 

Bret McKenzie

Everyone’s second favourite member of the Flight of the Conchords Bret McKenzie is heading on tour this September and October in support of his non-comedic album Songs Without Jokes. By the sounds of the album’s lead single ‘A Little Tune’, McKenzie’s album will be packed with delightfully playful showtunes from a bygone era. Count us in. 

Tickets for Bret McKenzie’s UK tour dates go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May. 

N-Dubz

Purveyors of autotuned rap-pop and fine bobbly hats N-Dubz have announced a tour across the UK, their first in 11 years. Let’s be honest, N-Dubz were a faintly ludicrous proposition a decade ago and nothing’s happened in the intervening years to change that. But an arena show from London’s tackiest pop trio sounds like a right laugh.

Tickets for N-Dubz’ UK tour go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May.

Christmas with Aled Jones and Russell Watson 

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, when tickets for Christmas shows go on sale during Britain's first summer heatwave. First in line is Christmas with Aled Jones and Russell Watson, whose crooning style has made this duo connoisseurs of the festive golden oldie. A gig to take your mum to. 

Tickets for Christmas with Aled Jones and Russell Watson go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May. 

Pale Waves

The goth-pop quartet Pale Waves will tour the UK this winter in support of their third studio album Unwanted, which sees them transition from spiky pop inspired by The 1975 into early-2000s pop-punk. Heather Baron-Gracie and her cohorts are a formidable live act, tighter than a lug nut on a funfair ride. One to see live if they’re playing near you. 

Tickets for Pale Wave’s winter tour of the UK go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May. 

Also on sale this week…

Cavetown will play one night in London’s Eventim Apollo on Saturday 5 November. Tickets for the shows go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May. 

Sam Ryder will play a handful of dates this winter. Tickets for the shows go on sale at 9am on Friday 20 May. 

Joshua Bassett will play one night at the O2 Academy Islington in London on Tuesday 11 October. Tickets for the show go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May. 

Sum 41 will play a massive date at Alexandra Palace in London on Friday 21 October. Tickets for the show go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May. 

Deftones will play an intimate show at London O2 Forum Kentish Town on Monday 13 June. Tickets for the show go on sale at 9am on Friday 20 May. 

Kehlani will tour the UK this December. Tickets for the shows go on sale at 10am on Friday 20 May. 

Julia Jacklin will tour the UK this November. Tickets for the shows are on sale now.