Comedian Scott Capurro on Blanchett, Bowie and Barbara Streisand
First record you ever bought
Lady Sings the Blues soundtrack.
Last extravagant purchase you made
Green loafers from Paul Smith.
First film you saw that really moved you
Sounder (1972).
Last lie you told
Life begins at 50.
First movie you ever went on a date to
Frances (1982).
Last time you cried
Watching Places in the Heart with Sally Field, last night on Netflix.
First thing you do when you’ve got time off work
Yoga.
Last great meal you cooked
You’re kidding, right?
First crush
Richard Chamberlain – Dr. Kildare. I was 4.
Last book you read
War and Peace. Or maybe something about diets.
First great piece of advice you were given
Re-think your use of prepositions.
Last time you were star struck
When I was suddenly introduced to Cate Blanchett in a comedy club.
First thing you’d do if you ran the country
Change the bedding.
Last meal on earth – what would it be
My own vomit I’d imagine.
First song you’ll sing at karaoke
’Don’t Stand So Close To Me’.
Last time you exploited your position to get something
I told a clerk at Zara that I worked for a local TV company. He gave me 15 percent off. Adorable.
First time you realised you were famous
When my grandfather remembered my first name.
Last time someone criticised your work
The Telegraph called me a ‘gay act’. It’s veiled hatred.
First three words your friends would use to describe you
Eager. Anxious. Married.
Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it
I never make impulse buys. I circle an item for days before pouncing.
First concert you ever attended
Bowie, Serious Moonlight Tour. He made me gay.
Last time you bought someone flowers
Every Sunday, I buy myself a lovely bouquet at Columbia Road.
First object you’d save from your burning home
My glass eye.
Last funny thing you saw online
South Koreans dancing. HI-larious.
First job
Busboy at a pancake house.
Last person you fantasized about
Tom Daley. He’s a real go-to for me.
First word you spoke
Why?
Last crime you committed
I stole clothes when I was a teenager, and was caught running out of a shop wearing stolen tennis shorts. Awkward.
First song at your (potential) wedding
Barbra sang in February at mine. Streisand that is. I have every note she’s EVER recorded.
Last song at your funeral
’9 to 5’.
First person you’d thank in an award acceptance speech
My priest.
Last thing you recommended to someone
Religion.
First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning
Caffeine.
Last thing you think of before you go to sleep
My feet.
Scott Capurro: Islamohomophobia, The Stand, Glasgow, Sun 28 Oct.