What do you think might work out as the best piece of advice you receive ahead of your Fringe debut?
I was advised to attend the Fringe before I brought my show here. That was gold. It was very important to gain a sense of the scope of the festival and how it works. Now I know better how to spend my time in order for audiences to find Red Bastard. Find it. Now. Things will happen in this show that will not happen at any other show in the festival.

What do you expect will be the least useful piece of advice?
Don't bother with interviews. Nobody reads them.

Imagine this is September: looking back at August, what would constitute a successful Fringe?
More friends than enemies were made. Controversy was sparked. Full houses led to multiple threesomes. An award would be nice, but I'd be most happy if lives were changed as a result of seeing Red Bastard at the Bosco. That would be an honour.

In krugerrands, how much do you expect to lose during the Fringe?
Let's see. One krugerrand is about $1300 usd, so I'd say 11.53846153846154 krugerrands. Not much when you put it that way.

Back in the old days, there used to be a thing called ‘the festival shag’. Is this ancient tradition likely to play any part in your thinking during August?
Hmm, let's see. Last festival I was approached by a dozen women and a few men as well. A lovely lady told me I gave her five more orgasms in our session than she had ever experienced before. This spring, in the middle of a show in San Francisco, I was invited to a SEX party. After the show, I went to the party and saw something I NEVER imagined I would ever see, EVER … Anyone reading this can buy me a drink at the festival and I'll tell you what I saw …

Back in the old days, comedians would drink alcohol solidly for a whole month and still manage to get out and do their show every day: how much are you likely to imbibe per day?
I guess that depends on how many people want to know what I saw. I must be careful though. My body is a temple.

What qualities do you expect from a Fringe venue?
It must once have been either a crack house, a whore house, or a place of government. A truly great Fringe venue will have been all three of these.

Will you read your reviews before your run is over and if so, how do you think they will affect you as a comedian and as a human being?
Though I hope I received positive ones, I will not be searching for reviews. I already have a ton of great ones.

Next year, will you consider returning as a double act?
You mean me and my ass?

Do you undertake any superstitious rituals before going on stage?
Sometimes I pray to gods of chaos to bestow something unexpected. At the edge of the stage, I fill my belly with fire. I think of the thin line between love and hate. I contemplate the bad taste of good medicine. I dream of meeting you.

If you were about to perform at the Fringe for your tenth year, where would you expect your career to be at that point?
Fuck. Am I STILL at the FUCKING Fringe!? I'd hoped some great, white, anonymous, gloved-hand would pluck me up out of this shit-hole and drop me someplace respectable. Like Holyrood Palace. God Save the Queen. Do you think she'll be in attendance?

Assembly George Square, 623 3030, 3–26 Aug (not 7, 14), 4.40pm, £11–£13 (£10–£12). Previews 1 & 2 Aug, £7.

Red Bastard