So, apparently there’s this … festival thing, happening in Edinburgh? Whatever. While the gallons of international acts pouring into the Capital at the beginning of August do traditionally tend to hog the headlines at this time of year, with loads of exciting-looking homegrown festivals and conventions packing the schedules rumours of Glasgow’s cultural death in late July have been greatly exaggerated.

There’s a lot happening doon the watter: the now-annual Glasgow River Festival (various locations along the Clyde near the Science Centre, Sat 25 & Sun 26 Jul, www.glasgowriverfestival.co.uk) is back with a splash (baddaboom), complete with jet ski racing area, the famous rubber ducky race, a test landing from the Loch Lomond seaplane, abseiling with the Royal Marines, a chance to explore on board HMS Blyth, one of the most advanced mine hunting ships in the world, and (and this is the really good bit) an actual battle between pirate ships! On the River Clyde! We’re so excited we might need a lie down! If you’re feeling rather more reflective, though, swing by The Lighthouse, where their ongoing exhibition The Clyde: Films of the River (runs until Sunday 20 Sep) explores the links between the Clyde and the people of Glasgow in a series of documentaries and amateur film reels made between 1912 and 1971.

The first weekend of August means that the monster trucks are coming out to play on Glasgow Green again: it’s the annual Glasgow Show (Sat 1 & Sun 2 Aug, also www.glasgowriverfestival.co.uk), full of thrills and hopefully not too many spills. It’s not just monster trucks, either; the Lord Provost kicks everything off with a parade through the city from George Square on Saturday morning, and there will be motorbike display teams, horse riding, live music,a karaoke stage and a market village space for local produce.

Finally, our absolute favourite Glasgow event this fortnight is Satellite 2 (Crowne Plaza Hotel, Congress Road, Sat 25 & Sun 26 Jul). Ostensibly, it’s a sci-fi convention celebrating 40 years since the Apollo moon landing, but the programme has been put together in the spirit of wide-eyed wonder that many children of the 1960s viewed the moon landing, and spills out from there to look at the sci-fi programmes, books and films from the post-moon era, as well as hosting discussions on the future of space travel and the nature of fan communities. Iain Banks, in his sci-fi disguise as Iain M. Banks, is the guest of honour.