First record you ever bought
‘A New England’ by Kirsty MacColl.

Last extravagant purchase you made
A much larger than necessary Mac desktop.

First film you saw that really moved you
The Decoy Bride.

Last lie you told
See above.

First movie you ever went on a date to
Terry Gilliam’s Brazil. The film was a lot better than the date.

Last time you cried
4am this morning – all three children were awake and wanting to play.

First thing you do when you’ve got time off work
My middle son and I are actually Lois Lane and Superboy – so he saves Metropolis from disasters while I photograph him and swoon at his super-ness.

Last great meal you cooked
A big Sunday lunch for friends.

First crush
James Kaberry, aged 5. He promised to marry me but has reneged. My first film crush was Mark Lester as Oliver Twist in the Carol Reed film.

Last book you read
The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt.

First great piece of advice you were given
I’m still waiting for some really decent advice …

Last time you were star struck
Neil and I had spent four years doing impressions of Kelly MacDonald at each other while we wrote the film so when we finally met her it was a big deal.

First thing you’d do if you ran the country
Freak out. I’m running-the-country-phobic.

Last meal on earth – what would it be
Mother’s fish pie and my own weight in chocolate.

First song you’ll sing at karaoke
‘Come on Feet’ – Pete and the Pirates.

Last time you exploited your position to get something
I’m right now wearing a super-deluxe Peaks of London top they gave me in exchange for wearing one of their dresses at the Decoy Bride premiere.

First time you realised you were famous
Someone followed me up a series of escalators screaming ‘A-ha, A-ha’ in an Alan Partridge voice. It was surprising, then confusing, then amusing, then, when it didn’t stop and they followed me into the bathrooms, quite frightening.

Last time someone criticised your work
Probably a few seconds ago. That’s the wonder of the world wide web. When anyone does anything it generally gets criticized. I never ever google myself. That way madness lies.

First three words your friends would use to describe you
No idea. I hope wretched, mean and demented wouldn’t feature.

Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it
Bad impulse buys make you feel grim, don’t they? It’s like having consumer Tourettes. I gravitate towards austere foreign language film DVDs when insecure. They’re expensive and a high proportion are unwatchably bleak and I probably don’t even like them and nobody even knows I’ve got them and I DON’T actually have to watch them for work because I’m not Javier Bardem so who am I trying to impress etcetera etcetera.

First concert you ever attended
John Martyn. Would be hip if he hadn’t just gone electric.

Last time you bought someone flowers
Last week. A friend’s birthday.

First object you’d save from your burning home
My computer – it has all the family photos and all my scripts on it.

Last funny thing you saw online
Vic and Bob’s Fosters podcasts – watched a load yesterday. Hilarious.

First job
Working for Oxford City Council in the Stationery department. A Local Government Stationery Store is something to behold. It’s like walking through the back of a cupboard into a really dull Narnia.

Last person you fantasised about
My husband of course.

First word you spoke
More.

Last crime you committed
Sat in the back seat of a car without a seatbelt. I’m the British Hell-Cat Maggie. My life would make a pretty good thriller.

First song at your (potential) wedding
‘Me Gustas Tu’ – Manu Chao.

Last song at your funeral
‘Five little ducks went swimming one day’, the operatic aria version – but without the bit where the Daddy duck quacks the five little ducks come swimming back. Make ’em weep.

First person you’d thank in an award acceptance speech
Depends on what you’re getting the award for. I mean, Rear of the Year would have a different thankee to Oscar for Best Screenplay, though, truth be told, I’m unlikely to win either.

Last thing you recommended to someone
Weeds. I’m addicted. It’s such a strange hybrid of genres – and I love Elizabeth Perkins.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning
Is the baby still breathing?

Last thing you think of before you go to sleep
How long is the baby going to sleep?

The Decoy Bride is on selected release from Fri 9 Mar and on DVD from Mon 12 Mar.

new england kirsty maccoll

Pete & The Pirates - Come on Feet

Vic & Bob's Afternoon Delights

Manu Chao - Me gustas tu

Decoy Bride trailer