The acclaimed stand-up, host of The Mash Report and Question Time alumnus takes on our Q&A in which he discusses Salman Rushdie, social faux pas and skinny jeans...

First record you ever bought
What's the Story by Oasis and The Great Escape by Blur. I was very much neutral in the central schism of Britpop.

Last extravagant purchase you made
A guitar. I don't need it due to the thwarting of my ambitions to be the Jimi Hendrix of Croydon, so it must be classed as a luxury purchase.

First film you saw that really moved you
Magnolia.

Last lie you told
That the first film that ever moved me was Magnolia when it was really The Lion King.

First movie you ever went on a date to
Movies are far too serious for 'dates'.

Last time you cried
Watching Roma.

First thing you do when you've got time off work
Catch up on TV shows I've missed. Consequently I'm always slightly behind conversation, and will in a couple of months be boring people senseless about Killing Eve which they all saw months previous and have forgotten about.

Last great meal you cooked
I can't cook. The last great meal I ate was at Carbone in New York.

First crush
Teri Hatcher in The New Adventures of Superman.

Last book you read
Middle England by Jonathan Coe.

First great piece of advice you were given
'Don't be a cunt'.

Last time you were starstruck
Just did Travel Man with Richard Ayoade. I'm a huge Darkplace fan. He was every bit as funny and as charming as one could hope.

First thing you'd do if you ran the country
Fire myself.

Last meal on earth
My grandmother's fish curry.

First song you'll sing at karaoke
'Young Americans' by David Bowie.

Last time you exploited your position to get something
Free cricket tickets. No regrets.

First time you realised you were famous
When a man shouted 'oi Romesh!' in a pub at me.

Last time someone criticised your work
I was on Question Time the other week. Feel free to search my name on Twitter.

First three words your friends would use to describe you
'He's very loud'.

Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it
A pair of subsequently unworn skinny jeans.

First concert you ever attended
Bob Dylan at the London Arena (now a conference centre) in 2002.

Last time you bought someone flowers
A couple of weeks ago for a friend. I never know whether they're good or not until I register the level of disappointment in the person at the receiving end of them.

First object you'd save from your burning home
Myself.

Last funny thing you saw online
Richard Pryor: Live in Concert on Netflix.

First job
The first in a string of admin nightmares.

Last person you fantasised about
Most of my fantasies involve Brexit being stopped by The Avengers.

First word you spoke
No idea but it was probably something amazing.

Last crime you committed
Those skinny jeans were a crime against fashion.

First book you read for a second time
Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie.

Last song you'd have played at your funeral
'To Love Somebody' by Nina Simone.

First person you'd thank in an award acceptance speech
My parents. They'd be furious if I didn't thank them first.

Last thing you think of before you go to sleep
Probably some social faux pas I committed ten years ago.

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning
Let's do this!

Nish Kumar: It's in Your Nature to Destroy Yourselves, Alhambra, Dunfermline, Fri 8 Feb; Pavilion Theatre, Glasgow, Sat 9 Feb; Royal Lyceum Theatre, Edinburgh, Sun 10 Feb, then touring