As the star of Deuce Bigalow and creator of Real Rob brings his stand-up show to London, Glasgow, Birmingham, Chester and Leeds, Rob Schneider tells us as little as he can about some guy called Sandler, and plenty about his love of British comedians …

What can audiences expect from your current stand-up tour in terms of style and content?
I can assure you that my tour will be completely devoid of style and content and, dare I say, confidence. So many comedians get lost trying to come up with 'jokes' and 'funny things to say'. I am proud to say that I find staring and drooling to be the most rewarding experience for both the performer who is having a seizure and for an audience that's calling for help.

It feels almost impossible for any US comic to avoid having some Trump material? Assuming you are set to unleash your POTUS routines on us, what will your take be?
Since I will be traveling on the president's airplane, I am afraid I will most probably have to stick to making fun of people who don't have the ability to end civilisation as we know it because they stayed up all night re-reading their old tweets.

Every article I've seen written about you (including this one any second now … ) will mention Adam Sandler at some point. Is that annoying in any way or are you OK with it?
I do not know or do not ever remember meeting this person, Adam Sandler. Whatever he is being accused of, I did not have any knowledge of it, whatever it is. Next question please, quickly.

Do you read your own reviews and how does criticism affect you?
I only read good reviews of other actors and comedians and then say my name in the place of the other well-liked actor or comedian. I say it out loud and often. Then I put my clothes back on and leave the department store quickly. Next question … quickly please!

What has been the single biggest regret you have had about your career?
I was making a silly rom-com, not romantic comedy, just a rom-com and I had the chance to kill Hitler. Not the Hitler, but 'a guy named Hitler'. He was the caterer on the film. I thought about sneaking into his cookie-filled bunker and just strangling the life out of him, but he made such nice sandwiches.

What are you most proud of in your career?
I'm proud that when people think of me there is a momentary confusion: 'is that the guy from Jaws?!'

The words 'politically incorrect' pop up a lot when people write about you. Does that irritates you or does that description chime with your own perception about what you do?
I think it's just wonderful that we live in a day and age where people can complain instantly about you on the same device that they order takeaway food, call their mother, and watch porn.

In Real Rob, there's a fair bit about you being recognized by the public: are people generally respectful towards you? Have you had any unpleasant run-ins with regular folk?
There have been a few times and I'm not proud of any of them where I was recognised. Not for my TV show Real Rob SEASON 2 which is STREAMING NOW WORLDWIDE IN OVER 190 COUNTRIES, but because I had broken into my neighbour's house (or houses) and took a few things that I felt looked quite a bit better on me than on my greedy neighbours who have 'so much clothes'.

Will there be more of Real Rob?
It all depends on the current investigation and if the authorities find any of the evidence that has been cleverly removed and stored at my agent's house.

Tell us one thing about you that might surprise fans?
It might surprise 'fans' that I don't like to use the term 'fans'. I much prefer slobbering hanger-ons.

Who are your comedy heroes? And is there anyone within the new guard of stand-ups that impresses you?
I'm rather impressed with this new comedian Tony Hancock. Also, Frankie Boyle should consider doing stand-up full time. He is absolutely fearless and brilliant. I saw Stewart Lee in a coffee shop in London, and I could barely breathe I was laughing so hard. He did 45 minutes on TV presenters competing over their respective donations to charities.

If you could give a new act one bit of advice what would it be?
Move to Iceland.

An Evening With Rob Schneider is on tour in the UK from Wednesday 14 to Sunday 18 March.