Who would you like to see playing you in the movie about your life? Who do you think the casting people would choose? Melissa McCarthy. She can do comedy and also be serious so she would be perfect for portraying me. Casting better choose her or I’ll turn up at their offices and play Annie Lennox’s ‘Why’ on repeat and full blast.

What’s the punchline to your favourite joke? …the barman replies, ‘last week you came in giving it all this!’ (does talking/pincers gesture with his hands).

If you were to return in a future life as an animal, what would it be? A giraffe. They are my fave animal. They are so beautiful, so majestic; strong but also gentle.

If you were playing in an escape room, name two other people (well-known or otherwise) you’d recruit to help you get out? Peter Crouch: he’s well tall so can reach things that are high up. He also has good aim and speed. Carol Vorderman: she’s well smart, knowledgeable and strong.

When was the last time you were mistaken for someone else and what were the circumstances? About 15 years ago, I was on the bus when a woman saw me and called me a ‘tramp’. I said ‘excuse me?!’ and she did a double take and then got really embarrassed and apologised. She had mistaken me for her friend who had the nickname ‘tramp’ in their friendship group.

What’s the best cover version ever? Roberta Flack’s ‘The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.’ It was originally written in 1957 as a folk song but was covered by Roberta Flack and became a massive hit in 1972.

Whose speaking voice soothes your ears? Ben Whishaw’s as Paddington Bear. It’s so soothing, kind and gentle.

Tell us something you wish you had discovered sooner in life? It’s ok to say no to work and people. I don’t like saying no because I feel like I’m letting people down but I’ve realised that sometimes you need to say it otherwise you end up overstretching yourself which can harm you.

Describe your perfect Saturday evening? On the sofa watching Saturday night telly like Gladiators, The Weakest Link and Blankety Blank equipped with snacks like crisps, biscuits and a cold can of fizzy drink.

If you were a ghost, who would you haunt? My old neighbours. They were awful. Always slamming their door and shouting in the hallway. They would do it daily even though I’d spoken to them about it so many times! I’m so glad I don’t live next door to them anymore. I would haunt them so bad that they’d need to move because they’d be so scared but I’d just keep on following them wherever they went.

If you could relive any day of your life, which one would it be? As children, we used to spend our summer holidays in Morocco with our extended family. I remember sleeping in a room with all my cousins and we’d be chatting in the dark until the sun came up. I would love to relive any of those days; they were the best.

What’s your earliest recollection of winning something? Winning Best Debut show at Leicester Comedy Festival in 2023. The show was a work-in-progress. When they called my name, I couldn’t believe it!

Did you have a nickname at school that you were ok with? And can you tell us a nickname you hated? When I was about 12 my mum used to call me Hyacinth Bucket from the BBC comedy Keeping Up Appearances because I was a perfectionist. She still calls me it sometimes.

If you were to start a tribute act to a band or singer, who would it be in tribute to and what would it be called? The rock band Chicago who I grew up listening to. I would be called The Ceteras after one of the lead singers and bassists, Peter Cetera.

When were you most recently astonished by something? When I learned that giraffes have purple tongues. This stops them from getting sunburnt when they are feeding in the sun. Mind blowing, right?!

What tune do you find it impossible not to get up and dance to, whether in public or private? ‘Sweet Caroline’ by Neil Diamond. I think there isn’t a Brit on this planet that can resist this song.

Which famous person would be your ideal holiday companion? Martin Lewis. He’d get us the best flights, best hotel and ain’t no one ripping me off in the market with him by my side.

As an adult, what has a child said to you that made a powerful impact? For my birthday my youngest niece (six years old) brought me four knitted objects. Each one had a quote on it. She told me she picked the quotes for when I ‘have good and bad days’. I found it really powerful that a child that young had a sense of emotional intelligence and self-care.

Tell us one thing about yourself that would surprise people? I’m terrified of flying.

When did you last cry? On my most recent birthday. My family arranged a lovely dinner and got me really personal and thoughtful gifts which I loved. Also my little niece made a card for me and wrote some really beautiful and touching words.

What’s the most hi-tech item in your home? My flat runs really hot in the summer so I bought a massive electric fan that has a misting function. It also has a remote control.

What’s a skill you’d love to learn but never got round to? Roller skating. I think it’s so freeing but it’s too late for me now. I can just about walk in a straight line let alone skate.

By decree of your local council, you’ve been ordered to destroy one room in your house and all of its contents. Which room do you choose? My bedroom. It has two doors but no windows! I’d destroy it and rebuild it with windows, doors and a walk-in wardrobe.

If you were selected as the next 007, where would you pick as your first luxury destination for espionage? Switzerland. I’d want to stop an attack on the world whilst riding one of their glass-roofed trains. After I’d saved the world, I’d go to the bar and order an icy fizzy drink ‘stirred not shaken’ because no one drinks flat fizzy drinks…

Fatiha El-Ghorri: Cockney Stacking Doll is touring the UK until Thursday 17 December.

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