Who would you like to see playing you in the movie about your life? Who do you think the casting people would choose? For me it’s Macfadyen. God knows who they’d choose. I’d obviously throw my hat in the ring but they’d want someone more of a name.
 
What’s the punchline to your favourite joke? Something about a pig. Not good on the details. But the point was that it was expected to be a duck.

If you were to return in a future life as an animal, what would it be? Big if: I’d take ostrich at this stage.
 
If you were playing in an escape room name two other people (well-known or otherwise) you’d recruit to help you get out? My friend Lord. He’d be gutted if he didn’t get the gig. And then maybe Jelson. Obviously we’re not getting out.

When was the last time you were mistaken for someone else and what were the circumstances? Lembit Öpik thought I was the organiser of the comedy night he was booked to perform at.

What’s the best cover version ever? ‘Mamma Mia’ by Tom Basden.

Whose speaking voice soothes your ears? Cribbins.
 
Tell us something you wish you had discovered sooner in life? That if you’re brave at football you don’t get hurt.
 
Describe your perfect Saturday evening? Pub.
 
If you were a ghost, who would you haunt? Not haunt, but I’d take an interest in Harry Kane, I suppose.
 
If you could relive any day of your life, which one would it be? Camping in a bivouac in a forest 40 years ago. We saw a deer.
 
What’s your earliest recollection of winning something? Fancy dress, second place, only gave it to me because I was crying. Dressed as a potato tbf.
 
Did you have a nickname at school that you were ok with? And can you tell us a nickname you hated? Keyzee’s OK. None that I hated. You can usually work with it.
 
If you were to start a tribute act to a band or singer, who would it be in tribute to and what would it be called? Big if: but probably Banananaramama.

When were you most recently astonished by something? Delhi.
 
What tune do you find it impossible not to get up and dance to, whether in public or private? I can resist that stuff.
 
Which famous person would be your ideal holiday companion? Klopp.
 
As an adult, what has a child said to you that made a powerful impact? My friend’s daughter put me onto Squid Game.
 
Tell us one thing about yourself that would surprise people? Half-Welsh.
 
When did you last cry? Watching the sitcom Here We Go.
 
What’s the most hi-tech item in your home? I have a printer which connects to my phone through wifi.
 
What’s a skill you’d love to learn but never got round to? I’d bite your hand off for piano and Japanese.
 
By decree of your local council, you’ve been ordered to destroy one room in your house and all of its contents. Which room do you choose? Lose the bedroom I guess. Sleep on the sofa. Don’t love losing my clothes but we are where we are.
 
If you were selected as the next 007, where would you pick as your first luxury destination for espionage? Big if: happily go to Tokyo if it came about.

Tim Key’s Poetry Programme (30 episodes of it) can be heard on BBC Sounds; Tim Key: Chapters is out now published by Utter And Press.