The List

Orchard Theatre

Opened in 1983 by the Duke of Kent, the Orchard Theatre has been attracting a range of genres and styles through its doors. Ranging from comedians, West End musicals, drama, opera and music, the theatre maintains the area's cultural leanings. Handily situated in Dartford town centre, the theatre is just a few minutes from the train station, which services direct trains from London and Kent. Parking is available in two venues: the Civic Centre car park (just over the footbridge; free after 6pm) and the Orchard Shopping Centre car park (parking charge; closes at midnight).

What's On @ Orchard Theatre

Simon Reeve: To The Ends Of The Earth
Returning to venues across the UK with his brand new show ‘To The Ends Of The Earth’. Simon will be sharing stories, surprises, thrills, deeper thoughts and hearty laughs. He wants to nudge and encourage audiences to get out of their comfort zone, take a few gentle risks in life, and embrace the great outdoors and the wider world.
Al Murray: All You Need Is Guv

Al Murray: All You Need Is Guv

11 Apr 2026 - 15 Apr 2027

Hey cool cats! Hot on the heels of a sell-out 138 date tour of these green and groovy isles, The Guv will be back, baby, with a brand-new stand-up show for 2026. There’s no denying the world’s a mess daddio, but there is a glimmer of hope as the globe’s favourite Pub Landlord returns with his like-nobody-else Common Sense hot-takes for the masses, offering a much-needed truth tonic (pint for the fella/glass of white wine for the lady) for these whacked out and troubled times. With a fresh and frothing pint to hand, a barrel of laughs to pour from, and a flower in his heart, Guv is all you need. And for the brave, bold, and plain straight crazy cats amongst you who want to be in on the action in the‘Splash Zone’book them quick and wear the damn ponchos!
Alan Carr: Have I Said Too Much?

Alan Carr: Have I Said Too Much?

13 Jan 2027 - 4 Dec 2027

Alan Carr’s back on tour and his lips are unsealed! With a big mouth and a talent for oversharing, Alan’s ready to dish some drama. Expect stories of dipping into the dating pool, navigating showbiz green rooms and a sprinkling of tales from the Traitors turret.
Ed Gamble: Fresh Hell

Ed Gamble: Fresh Hell

18 Apr 2026 - 26 Jun 2027

Everyone’s annoying cousin, Ed Gamble, is going back on tour in 2027 across the UK & Ireland with some more of his stand up grot. So come and see the self appointed Crown Prince of Visualised Companion Podcasts harrumph about the stage. Co-host of the award winning mega hit podcast Off Menu with James Acaster, host of visualised spinoffs The Traitors: Uncloaked and Taskmaster The Podcast as well as new upcoming panel show Unacceptable airing this summer, Ed’s brand new tour, Fresh Hell follows his biggest ever sold out world tour across Europe, North America and Australasia. “A Class Act. Comedy Gold” ★★★★ Time Out “consistently eye-wateringly hilarious” ★★★★ The i “You can bet on Gamble to deliver laughs” Evening Standard

↖ Back to all venues