Who would you like to see playing you in the movie about your life? Who do you think the casting people would choose? Simply, me. I’d be fuming if it was someone else. I understand that that’s not how biopics work, but as an actor, getting another actor to play me would really piss me off. So it has to be me. Failing that, I think if they’re like, absolutely no way, we’re going to give you loads of money but you can’t play yourself, then I would play my dad and I would be played by Lara Ricote. 

What’s the punchline to your favourite joke? One of them is: ‘you won last year, you’re not allowed.’ And the other one is: ‘that’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.’

If you were to return in a future life as an animal, what would it be? Well, this depends, because I need to know how much energy it takes for birds to flap their wings. Because everyone’s like ‘I want to fly’, but is flying the equivalent of running? Because if it is and I don’t want to run as a human, I definitely wouldn’t want to fly as a bird. But if flying is as easy as walking, then I do want to be a bird. But a big one, so no one eats me. So an eagle. 

If you were playing in an escape room, name someone (well-known or otherwise) you’d recruit to help you get out? Jessica Fletcher from Murder She Wrote. 

When was the last time you were mistaken for someone else and what were the circumstances? This happened very recently. The thing is, I think that they were on the right path, but I didn’t want to help because they’d already got it so wrong. They thought I was another comedian; they didn’t say the name but they said I’d been on Strictly and I said no. And then they said ‘you hosted the MOBOs’ and I said no. Now this sometimes happens because people confuse black people with other black people on TV. But the guy that did this was black. So what’s his excuse?

What’s the best cover version ever? Destiny Child’s cover of ‘Amazing Grace’.

Whose speaking voice soothes your ears? William Andrews. He’s a comedian, but he’s kind of stopped doing comedy though he’s still in some programmes. And he has this show on Instagram called A Shed Show. He’s building a shed in his garden and he narrates it and I think he’s got the greatest voice in the world. I would actually even put him above Morgan Freeman. 

Tell us something you wish you had discovered sooner in life? You don’t know anything until you’re 27. 

Describe your perfect Saturday evening? Do a show at Soho Theatre, then dinner afterwards in Chinatown with three random members of the audience also coming to dinner. 

If you were a ghost, who would you haunt? I think my best friend Jax because we lived together for almost three years and I don’t understand how he functions without me. He’s not a normal person, so I just really want to see how he’s able to live his life. 

If you could relive any day of your life, which one would it be? When I was younger, maybe about seven or eight, I went on a summer trip, like a play scheme trip, to Hastings. Despite getting vomited on by the boy that sat next to me on the coach, it was the best day. Also, I wasn’t paying council tax then, so that’s definitely a good day. 

What’s your earliest recollection of winning something? Egg and spoon race. I used to win the egg and spoon race every year at school. And then in year five, a new boy joined and he was also in my house (our school had four houses). By this point everyone knew the egg and spoon race was kind of my thing, and then all of a sudden he was winning the egg and spoon race. So I intervened. And we were both disqualified. 

Did you have a nickname at school that you were ok with? And can you tell us a nickname you hated? I didn't really have a nickname at school because I was an MC, so everyone just called me by my MC name, which was Klayze. There are about three people in my life that call me Ki and I’m ok with it; but if anyone outside of them did it, I’d call the police. 

If you were to start a tribute act to a band or singer, who would it be in tribute to and what would it be called? I’d like it to be a rap tribute act but, like, a good one. And it would be called That Pack. That’s the best I can think of in these current circumstances.  

When were you most recently astonished by something? I went on Sunday Brunch the other day and there was a guy, Marcin, who plays guitar. But as well as playing the guitar strings, he also plays the actual guitar like a percussion instrument. So he’s like a one-man band, but just with one instrument. My mouth was wide open and I was honestly astonished. I’d never seen anything like it. 

What tune do you find it impossible not to get up and dance to, whether in public or private? ‘Taste’ by Tyga. 

Which famous person would be your ideal holiday companion? I need someone that’s completely chill because on holiday I’m chilling; I don’t want anyone making an itinerary or anything. I’m going to choose Jane Fonda. 

As an adult, what has a child said to you that made a powerful impact? ‘It doesn’t matter.’

Tell us one thing about yourself that would surprise people? I think I know all the words to A Goofy Movie. 

When did you last cry? I think in 2018, at my dad’s funeral. That was a long time ago. I’m due one. 

What’s the most hi-tech item in your home? I don’t think I have many hi-tech items in my house. The doorbell?

What’s a skill you’d love to learn but never got round to? My instinct is to say juggling. But how useful is that? I’ve learnt a bit of magic, and I’d like to learn more. Actually, fixing the printer. But I guess now nobody uses the printer, so it’s a bit late. 

By decree of your local council, you’ve been ordered to destroy one room in your house and all of its contents. Which room do you choose? It has to be the spare room because all that’s in there is a bed and a TV that hasn’t been on since 2010. But then there are photo albums in there. Let me get the photo albums out and then you can have the spare room, Newham Council. 

If you were selected as the next 007, where would you pick as your first luxury destination for espionage? Australia. 

Kiell Smith-Bynoe & Friends: Kool Story Bro is touring the UK until Saturday 4 October.